Friday, April 25, 2008

The NYPD50!

Picture (Device Independent Bitmap)

3 Vice Detectives

When you are leaving a strip club pretend like you're in Fullujah.
Get low! If someone says they are the police. You're best bet
Is to get your ass on the ground! I'm sure there's a huge buzz
About this story and this is exactly why I'm writing about it.
If you know that police carry guns and you are in the city limits
Of New York City you have two choices. Comply or shoot back.
Please do not choose the second option. Its evident that using
Your police issued firearm comes with no more the inconvenience
Than an investigation that ends with a nod and a wink from a judge.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Are you insane? If so, then welcome!

Insanity

There will be no definitions in the classic sense.
You are always to mishaps from being insane.
Its good to be insane, however brief you are.
Its ok to lose it every now and then. Just don't
Take people with you. The next time you're in
Line for a long time at a bank or sitting at stop
Light that seems to bleed red onto the pavement
From the fixture above think about going insane.
The catch is that you can only going insane for
Five to ten seconds. If you're Carl Lewis fast you
May be able to do damage, but most of us will
be done as soon as we realize what we're
Doing.

Enjoy your insanity!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Tackle the Tiger

When approaching a task that seems to large just imagine it’s a tiger.
Now when hunting a tiger you usually go get better tools than your fist.
You've heard the analogy about how to eat an elephant.
Don’t' eat it, kill it first! You'll much better tools. Ask yourself what do you
Need to get the job done. You and rifle versus tiger is a much better match-up!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Laughing at a honest attempt.

It’s always funny when it’s not you. I’m wondering what this kid is thinking?

This is where being a toddler plays against you, but you can always get back

By crapping really large in your pants. That will show you mommy!

 

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Wednesday, April 09, 2008

The Dog Ate My Lizzy

















Above is the witless victim. Rocka aka DJ Shitty Paws and his Lizzy.




















The Offender!



How to Refurbish a Teddy Bear

After being subjected to years of relentless hugging, squishing and being dragged through the dirt, your teddy bear will harbour grime that it has accumulated over the years, will have failing seams through which the stuffing is falling out, and won't be soft and cuddly anymore. But no teddy is ready for the trash; your teddy can likely be rehabilitated and made ready for the next generation, as this 25 year old bear was.
[edit]Steps

The old stuffing from the teddy bear will look a lot like this; discard it.
Open a straight seam very carefully if your bear does not already have a small hole in a seam through which you can remove the stuffing (such as the back seam). Use a pair of scissors, a very sharp knife or a seam ripper to cut the seam thread. Remove all of the stuffing and discard.

Don't just throw the old teddy in the washing machine - wash it gently, in warm water with a gentle laundry detergent. You may need to do this several times.
Hand-wash the now empty fur in warm water very gently with a gentle laundry detergent. Rinse well with warm water. Repeat these steps as necessary, until the wash water no longer becomes coloured with the dirt that may come out of the fur. Gently squeeze (do not wring!) the fur to remove most of the water.

Remove excess water from the teddy fur with a towel.
Remove the excess water by placing an old towel on the floor, placing the bear on the towel, folding the towel over the bear, then standing on it. This will squeeze excess water from the fur without wringing it, which could damage the fabric.
Blow dry the bear with a blow dryer, being careful not to scorch the fur. Allow it to further air dry overnight to ensure the seams are completely dry.

Pick any knots and mattes out of the bear's fur with a dental pick or any other fine instrument. This may take many hours, but it'll be worthwhile.
Tease out the matted knots if the bear's fur was matted, after the bear is dry. A dental pick works well. Work the pick through the knots, being careful not to pull the fur out.

Turn the bear inside out, examine for holes and broken stitches, and sew them up as necessary.
Turn the teddy bear inside out to examine each seam for holes and to examine the thread which may be, if the teddy bear is very old, weak and rotten. Sew the holes closed and reinforce the seams as needed, using either a needle and thread or a sewing machine. If a needle and thread is used, be sure to place the stitches close together and pull each stitch tight.
Turn the bear right side out. Examine the seams and areas you've stitched to ensure the seams are tight and the stitches are invisible from the outside. Tight seams are crucial!
Replace missing eyes if necessary. Buttons work well.

Starting to re-stuff your teddy. The ball of stuffing shown should be just enough to restuff the head.
Fill each of the legs and arms using a ball of polyester fiberfill approximately 6 times the size of the volume of the cavity to be filled, packing each very tightly. Using one ball for each arm and leg is better than filling them with many smaller balls of fiberfill.
Fill the head and body cavity, using one large clump of fiberfill for each. Pack tightly, ensuring there is enough fiberfill to make the arm, leg and neck joints firm.

Once you've stuffed the teddy tightly, you're ready to finish off by sewing your seam closed.
Sew the seam closed that you've packed the fiberfill through.
Comb the fur to make it fluffy.
Take care of your newly refurbished teddy. It'll be good for decades to come.

The finished teddy.


And do take good care of your bear.



[edit]Tips
If your bear does not have a hole that needs to be repaired through which you can remove the stuffing, be sure to make a hole just big enough to remove the stuff, as you will have to sew this hole closed when you are finished.
Use a heavy duty thread. Our example bear was stitched with a thread suitable for sewing denim.
When sewing with a needle and thread, use an overcasting stitch.


[edit]Warnings
Do not wring the water out of the fur! Doing so will damage the fur.
Use a thimble if sewing with a needle and thread.
Don't refurbish a collectible teddy bear as it will lose its value.


[edit]Things You'll Need
Heavy duty thread, in a colour similar to the colour of the teddy bear
A fine pick, such as the dental instrument illustrated
Needle or sewing machine
Scissors
Thimble (if sewing with a needle and thread)
A bag of polyester fiberfill (approximately 6 times the size of the bear)
An alternative to fiberfill stuffing is worn out panty hose. If you do this you won't need to unstuff the bear next time you wash it. You will be able to machine wash & dry it with gentle cycles.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Wednesday - Humpday?

What is the premise behind this being the hump of the week?

I understand the position on the calendar however I think

Tuesday is a day that’s more of hump than Wednesday.

What do you think?