Long time no hear from huh? Have you read my blog? Do you like it? Well you'd do well to remind so I can keep this damn thing up. I totally forgot about this blog. How did I do that? Well, when you get a case of the readprintsnitches then you begin to have a little bit of distaste for blogging. But I'm sitting here to talk about the damn turkey.
Evil turkey, bad bad turkey. First off I don't even really like the holidays. It usually bums me out.
Now I'm doing my best to improve my dementia on the holidays and try to build a tivo into my brains so I can replay my October for 59 days straight as to not avoid New Years Eve. I'll of course make promises to my pseudo drunk self as if I care. Now the one thing about thanks giving I do remember is all the food and adults laughing and talking about things about. The thing I hate about TG is the shitlings, or chitterlings. I know there was a time when you had to eat absolutely every part of the pig to survive. I don't thing there was an animal on a farm who was exempt from mouth demolition, but hell, for some reason that piggly wiggly got the prize for baest bang for your buck! Well you know there's the smell. You know the part of the Matrix when Agent Smith says, "Its the smell, if there is such a thing?" There is a such a thing and it pisses me off to have to clean the poop bugs out of a mop busket of chitterlings. I've done it once and only once. Maybe twice, but I blocked that out of my mind just like when I saw that He-Man was a fairy.
Ok, My buddy loves the chitterlings. Good for him. Its just not my thing. I remember the first time cleaning them and I saw the busket they came in. I looked over and saw the same red busket with a paint brush in it. The good thing about chitterlings is that it does promote reusable recourses. I mean, we all know what they are and if you can find a way to make supper out of a poop tube then you're pretty damn resourceful.
So after having the revelation that chitterlings stink, are hard to clean, and only provide me with useful mop buskets. I thought, "Well maybe they will taste good?" Negative Houston! You have to cover this jelly pool with anything that's hot sauce based. Two thre drops of hot sauce (tabasco) and you're pretty good. (Of you're using Tabasco you're probably not going to be eating chitterlings) But no, It is once agian the great flood and you must cover the earth in hot sauce to virtually numb every taste bud on your tube to fool you're idiot palette that you are eating a poop tube. So lets forget everything I just told you and move over to other dishes. No, let's stop there.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Oh, dead turkey you got me good!
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
V-Trains for V-Day!!!
So what is Valentine’s Day really? I work too much so I didn’t have much to do on the day of valentines. I know there’s much insight into how everything about any holiday we have is over commercialized. Well, if you think about it, that’s what America is all about.
One thing that is weird is how things being commercially over used don’t really result in a more emotionally involved holiday. You know, getting in the spirit of things. Maybe thing move by too fast. Maybe we need to take time to do things ourselves instead of outsourcing the crap of our favors for our sweeties. I was thinking about the last time I actually did something for the holiday and how nice it was. I thought of doing something nice this year, but there really isn’t a central figure in my life, so no need to make any reservations for dinner and what not. Also, if it’s a holiday, why not treat it like one? Why not have a citywide Valentine’s Get Together? A huge bash adorned with hearts a word of affection for all. Maybe Valentine’s Day is about love? Could it be that it’s more about Companionship? I’ve come around to the ideal that companionship is the basis of the house that is love. Not to stray in the muck river that is the emotion of love and its Siamese twin hate, I think that’s what it’s about. We are so connected via blog, email, and other technologies that you can’t connect on a personal level. Face to face, to say that you appreciate someone you know? Now onto my more usual self, the one who thinks this is all bullshit. I got a damn Scooby-Doo VALENTINE!!!!! I’m looking at it now. I’m wondering if there’s a way I can destroy the dog without PETA hunting me down and skinning me alive. Oh yea, not to mention because I’m a guy I’m supposed to but all the roses in Southern Ohio huh? How sexist?! How about some chow for V-day? Or how about V-Train V-day?!
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Love Referee
Have you ever just wondered if we need or own personal referee for our everdy lives? I mean if we get out of hand and or treated unfair or wronged in some way. Maybe we could have wierd calls like, "intentional frowning." Or maybenot to have a full scale officiating team for your everyday life, but only when it counts. Like when you have a big decision to make, or when you're in a heatd debate with someone. You should be able to throw the challenge flag when you think you need a review. Case in point, when you get pulled over for a ticket and you were speeding. You should be able to throw the challenge flag on the cops to see if it was actually you that was speeding. Or if you make a bad call on a personal decision like wearing the right colored shoes. If someone comes by and says some pure moronic gem like, "Wow those shoes are nice. Are they new?" Knowing full well that you've had this pair of shoes for nine months. You should be able to hit the jerk with a "False Start" penalty and make he or she repeat thierself. The penalty would be a kickin that nuts. Of course the accused can choose to challenge the play, but only if he or she sincerely believed the shoes where new. The referee would have to reivew the play to see how the person truly felt when they hit you with the obvious lame call.
Monday, January 09, 2006
Creativity Is Genius
I had the hardest time coming up with some sort of slogan or branding tool for my company. I was thinking that it had to be straight to the point, yet leave room for someone as artsy as myself. So I came up with "Creativity is Genius". The end goal was to be able to apply that phrase not only to the graphic design portion of my business, but also to the whole branding experience that may come with the company. I'm interesting in all sorts of design from product design to architectural design. I'm hoping that we can take the company to the next level and branch out and begin to use the slogal more or less as the brand for the company.
The Company name in Krieger Imaging & Multmedia, LLC, "Creativity Is Genius"
www.kriegerimaging.com
Dairy of a Mad Pomeranian
Ok, so I've had this whacky idea for a comic strip about an angry pomeranian. I've sat on this since 2001. I got to think recently that I have a lot of ideas and never really expound on them. So here it is. No promises, and no guarantees. I'm going to finally produce the strip. A little inof or background on the history of Chino the Angry Pomeranian. First off this character was concieved on Sept. 11th 2001. Of course this is a very emotionally and politically charged day for the United States. Amidst the circumstances I was talking with a friend about anti-terrorism operations. One way to cope with such extreme situations is humor. By making a character it would allow me to apply my anger and cynicism in a more postitive or at least more understandable way. My me, I love totake things that are at least considered normal and make them more than what they are. The thought of an angry pomerian that fights terrorism is kind of silly. I don't quite know if its funny, but I thought it was. then I got to thinking. What if my character was totally politically incorrect? I know its been done before, but what if all the characters around him were equally crooked? They would all be animals or something that some what resembles an animal. For example, Chino is a pretty high strung cheeky character that because of his size and resemblance to a chiguagua is accuse of being Mexican. Although in pop culture we associate one with the other. So he's usually hit with all sorts of stereotypes from spanish speaking people asking him to roll-over to people asking him for the Taco-Bell dog's autograph. I'm sure its been done before, but i'mhoping the mix of humor along with the different character's interactions. I've already had roughs on about 6 differenet characters. I hope to push out at least two strips a month. It may be too big of a taking, but I'll perhaps make it a blog to get faster feedback on the strip itself. I'll put a few posts up with the drafts as i get them
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Taxi Cab Expressions
Ok, so to expound on my experience I'm learning that one should not give ride to chick who has frucked your friend. Yes I said frucked! Let's give this woman the alias of Tom Cruise. So Tom has been banging my buddy, hmm, let's give him the tag of Boris Yeltson. Now Tom was telling me how great Boris is and all. Previously Tom had the hots for me but I'm not into tom like that. Please bare with me and follow along. We're still cool you know, so its no biggie. Now I've known Boris for a long time so I'm happy for the both of them. Well come to find out old Tom isn't as happy as he said before and think that Boris is smothering him. If you ask me tom has had his fill of Boris and wants a new bitchling. So I'm out I hang out with Tom a little bit. Tom is a bit pushy and is used to getting its way. Tom has a hot friend and her codename will be Black Eye. Now Black Eye had a little bit much to drink when I met it. Fast forward, Black Eye is embarrassingly drunk and Tom Cruise is acting like he didn't get it drunk. Poor Black Eye, he didnt' have a chance. you ko wyou're drunk when you dance like Jackie Chanin the "Drunken Master". Now let's rip another hole in the fabric of time to my getting call about them being lost. Tom Says that they are lost downtown. Mind you they are just walking two blocks, TWO BLOCKS! How do you get lost going two blocks? who the fuck does that? Ok, back to reality. They are lost. So I say I'll give you guys a ride home. Mindyou just being a good samaritan. I don't want pussy payments. They were both drunk and there's no need to try to get home on a full stomach of redheaded sluts....ugh!!!
While in the car old Tom gives me that look like He wants some. This is where this blog gets wierd. I'm thinking to myself, "Tom just last week was Fucking Boris Yeltson? He really thinks he's gonna get me in bed. The nerve, now that's a missiong impossible!" So Tom immediatly re-enrolls himself into his kindergarten class and starts fiddling with shitin the car and arguing with Black Eye about dumb shit. I put up with it for about 15 minutes then I feel that wierd pressure that usually comes before you start bleeding at the ears. I turn the music up hoping to avoid these two banchees rattling off thier nonsense about who's hotter. then they start arguing then the conversation turns to me. Now they are drunk and I'm using all the power of the force that yoda taught me but i can't resist. I tell Tom Cruise he's a brat. Tom immediately gets quiet after acting like a brat. After pouting for a while. I finally get Tom and Black Eye to thier house., and Black Eye eludes to that fact the it wants a peice of this. Yeah that's convienient. I could've gotten some road head for the trouble. Now lets keep score.
1. I gave the great Tom Cruise the spouse of Boris Yeltson my friend, and Black Eye a ride home.
2. Tom Cruise acts like a 3 year old biotch whole ride home.
3. After alerting Tom Cruise to his adolesant behavior he takes out his herion needle to shoot up.
4. Tom thinks its going to pay me in sex. (Bad move Tom, You're boning my boy Boris)
5. I almost stopped the truck and kicked both thier black ops asses out of the truck!
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Clarett: Planned Intervention
Oh yes! Happy New Year! I need a ticket to the Fiesta Bowl. So give me your damn money and your cafeteria pass! 
Dear Maurice Clarett,
I'm writing you today from my jail cell pleading for you to turn your life around. I see that you've been given too much to fast. I represent the office of penal corrections cell block 4 1/2 here at teh Chillicothe Prison. We all here really appreciate your help witht eh bowl gamea few years ago. However, if your dumb ass doesn't clean it up you're going to end up in here with us and the office of penis corrections. We don't want to see that. I dont' think you'd want to meet my roommate "Lunchmeat", nor would I like to hear the sounds of you being gang raped in the shower by the Catholic Priest Varisty Fondling Team. You had the owrld in your hands and you can still turn it around. Now Lunch is not happy that I'm making this plea for your hole. Save your hole my friend. Stop being lazy when you try out and at least give a strong effort at your next interview at McDonald's. So waht you can run a 4.7 40 yd dash. I bet you can't make 24 Big Macs in a minute?! Get your shit together before they start doping you up lik e they did Ricky Williams. Do you really think he was in Austrailia? Nah, he was here. Ask him about 4th and two balls to go? Get your shit together cotton mouth!
P.S. Lunchmeat says hi and wants to know if you're the master of your domain.
