Clarett: Planned Intervention

Oh yes! Happy New Year! I need a ticket to the Fiesta Bowl. So give me your damn money and your cafeteria pass!


Dear Maurice Clarett,

I'm writing you today from my jail cell pleading for you to turn your life around. I see that you've been given too much to fast. I represent the office of penal corrections cell block 4 1/2 here at teh Chillicothe Prison. We all here really appreciate your help witht eh bowl gamea few years ago. However, if your dumb ass doesn't clean it up you're going to end up in here with us and the office of penis corrections. We don't want to see that. I dont' think you'd want to meet my roommate "Lunchmeat", nor would I like to hear the sounds of you being gang raped in the shower by the Catholic Priest Varisty Fondling Team. You had the owrld in your hands and you can still turn it around. Now Lunch is not happy that I'm making this plea for your hole. Save your hole my friend. Stop being lazy when you try out and at least give a strong effort at your next interview at McDonald's. So waht you can run a 4.7 40 yd dash. I bet you can't make 24 Big Macs in a minute?! Get your shit together before they start doping you up lik e they did Ricky Williams. Do you really think he was in Austrailia? Nah, he was here. Ask him about 4th and two balls to go? Get your shit together cotton mouth!

P.S. Lunchmeat says hi and wants to know if you're the master of your domain.